Letter of loss

Dear Readers,
      I know that I always seem to be making excuses as to why I haven't been posting but this time I really needed time away. In the last week of October I went to Disney World for vacation with my best friend, Amy and her husband. We had a great time! Sadly on the drive back I got a call from my mother telling me that James, my fiance and partner for the past eight years, moved out all of his stuff from our apartment. I was and still am devastated.  I will be honest I had no clue that he was no longer happy in our relationship. The past year he has been living with me at our apartment and up in Fort Drum because of the surgery he had to receive after being in Iraq. The week after my vacation was when he was suppose to be home for good. All he left me was a note saying that he was no longer happy and could no longer be by my side.
    I don't know what to do anymore. I have lived with him for the past 5 years, we have always talked about our future together and now all that is gone in an instant. He left without even saying goodbye to my face. I have taken the steps to recover, if I can, from this but it will be a long time for the hurt to leave. I was so deeply in love with him, and I still love the person he was. I wish to be angry with him but I can't. You can't hate some you still love.
     Now I am moving back in with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own. I will have to get a storage unit for most of my stuff. My poor kitty went threw the stress of moving but she is coming out ok. All I have to say is I am so thankful for my family and friends. They truly are the ones keeping me going. If it wasn't for my mother I think I would be dead or close to it. I've come to understand I have no choice but to move on from this or the pain will kill me. All I know is I never thought this would be part of the story of my life.
   So starting soon, I hope, I will be back to posting. I still have the Lolita Challenge to finish and other things I hope to post. I love you all and Integrity, Love, and Unity.

30 Day Lolita Challenge- Day 7

Day 7 – 10 people who inspire your Lolita style.

1) Kerli!!!!! She inspires all of my style not just Lolita. She inspires me in so many ways.

2)A lot of lovely ladies on tumblr 

      Lets go colorful

3)   Sweet Decay

4)   Cadney

5)   Cotton Candy Days

6)  the Milk Eyed Mender

7) Lovely Ladies on blogger

     Zerudas

8)  akumaxkami
9)  Miss Lumpy
10) Mickey in Wonderland (a fellow Moonchild)

There are so many more lovely ladies who inspire me all the time, not just in fashion. I love you all!

hehe random pic of me

30 Day Lolita Challenge- Day 6

Day 6 – 10 things you can’t live without in Lolita.

1) Bloomers. These fellas help a lot when that right gust of wind decides to show up or when you need to bend down to pick something up. Lets not flash those frilly panties! 

2)A cute purse.With dresses being limited in pockets I def need a purse in my Lolita travels. My only problem is I keep filling them with too much stuff that my shoulder or arm always hurts by the end of the day. I think I need a cute small backpack instead.

3)Casual outfits. I love the days I can deck my self in head to toe Lolita but some days we just need something cute but simple to wear. I really don't pull out the blouse and my poofiest petti-coat when I know I am just gonna sit on the couch at home.

4)My camera. Not to be vain but whenever I am dressed up I want to take pictures to capture the cuteness. Almost every outfit gets a mini-photoshoot.

5)Boots. Ok so I do have some nice heeled shoes and my rocking horse shoes but boots are usually the shoes I pick to wear. For me the are the most comfortable Lolita suited footwear.(sometimes I'll even wear my combat boots...shhh)

6)Knee socks. To go with the boots. I love knee sock, they make the outfit most of the time. Sadly in the summer I don't wear them as often as I would like. I feel like tights don't add the right innocent look that I think Lolita needs.

7)The internet. Without this Lolita would have never came to me. I get all of my inspiration from fellow Lolita's and other styles. Also how else would we be able to buy these lovely dresses, I can't really just go to the mall, lol.

8)My confidence. I think that anyone who wears Lolita must have a strong level of confidence. Without it I think you'd be to scared to leave your home. You have to believe for yourself that you are beautiful because not everyone see it as beautiful.

9)The spirit of youth. For me it's what drew me to Lolita. When I wear Lolita I feel like a little girl playing dress up and I get to pretend to be a lovely princess, or a gothic queen, or maybe a magic fairy. Without the whimsy and dreaming of my inner child, Lolita wouldn't really be that fun.

10)My friends. They help make each day I dress up special. Even if it's just for them to say"you look so cute" or if we dress up together to hit the town. My friends are the ones who make my life special everyday, not matter if I'm wear Lolita or not.

So these list of 10 things are kinda hard man......

30 Day Lolita Challenge- Day 5

Day 5 – 10 items on your wishlist.

1) Wonder Cookie Replica. I will never find this for real so I am willing to settle with a replica but I want it black!

2) Alice and the Pirates Vampire Forest JSK and yes in red!

3)Claudia by Baby

 4) Putumayo Cross Bag

5)A nice headdress. I don't have any! can you believe it?

6)So not a particular item but I do want a mori girl outfit. I love how earthy the are and probably a little more comfortable to wear all day.

7)Cute boots. I love boots in general and tend to wear them with almost all of my Lolita outfits. I want cuter combat style ones.

8)Sugar Pansy by Angelic Pretty. In either mint or yellow

9) A Kingdom Hearts styled jsk or something. I would love to put two of my fav things together!!!!!!!!

10) This is my biggest wish, more acceptance for individuality in the Lolita community. No more haters, no more mean comments to other girls. Just love everyone for who they are.

This one was fun. I got to really think about what I wanted. Sometimes I just push them to the back of my mind so that I don't have to feel bad about not having them. 

ps this post was finish around 12 am....i'm sleepy

30 Day Lolita Challenge- Day 4

Ok I did miss a day but I did close last night so I kinda have an excuse. :) On to day 4!

Day 4 – 10 different kinds of food you like.

1)Ok this isn't very "Lolita" but Grilled Cheese is my #1 fav food of all time. When I go out to eat I order this almost all the time, lol. It may be that little kid in me. James even makes me cute animals when he makes my grilled cheese.

2) Watermelon. One of the best things about summer!!!!

3)Real ramen, not the stuff from a bag(though that is good too) I'm talking a real Asian noodle shop. I've been to a few in NYC and I could eat at one every day!

4)Tacos, a nom nom nom nom

5)Cupcakes. Not really original but who doesn't love cupcakes?

6)Strawberries. I can have strawberries at every meal not matter what else I am eating. Like tonight I had clam chowder and strawberries.

7)Candy. Skittles, starburts, nerds, air heads, if it's sweet I love it!

8)Crackers. It may seem bland but this is my most common snack. 

9)My mothers home made cooking. Yes I said it, there is nothing better then my mommies home made food. Sometimes I go over just to see if she will make me something delicious.

10) Tea. Not really food but it is the biggest part of my diet. I drink tea morning, day, and night(thank god for decaf).

30 Day Lolita Challenge- Day 3

Day 3 – 10 things you hate about Lolita.

1)Elitist. I hate those girls/guys who think that everything must follow the rules, that they are "better" Lolita's because they have the newest brand and they are deck out from head to toe in a complete collection. I hate how they nag on new girls about "how they are doing it wrong."  I'll be honest that is why I have never joined egl. I know that if someone I didn't know said I looked bad it would hurt me so I stay away from that.

2)Brand vs off brand debate. When it comes down to it yes we all know brand is better quality and more original but not everyone can afford brand so get over it. I started with Bodyline and I still shop from their site. Also I like replicas, it makes getting that design you loved easier.  Most replicas are made after the brand design is sold out so it's not really hurting there initial profits .

 

3) The rules. Yes the style should have basic guide line but every outfit doesn't need to fit into the rules. That's how Lolita happen, someone broke the rules somewhere.

4) The cost. Yes I can deal with it and I do pay it but the cost is still crazy.

5)Time. I don't have enough time to wear Lolita and I hate it! I work so hard to get the money to buy it and then I only get to wear it a few times a month....it really sucks.

6)"Are you in a play? Are you going somewhere important?" the stupid questions. I've been getting annoyed by answering the same questions over and over. No one asked me if I was "depressed"  or "doing drugs" when I wore Gothic clothes.

7)The time it takes to get dresses. Ok I know most girls this is part of the fun but for me, doing make, doing my hair, and such is boring. I want to be in my clothes and cute in an instant!

8)Shoes. Not that I hate how cute the shoes are but they are so hard for me to shop for. I have a hard time as it is with normal shoes but buying shoes online is crazy and most of the time you can't even exchange them.

9)Lack of Lolita like activities in my area. There really isn't many Lolita's I know of in my town and a lot of the other CT Lolita seem so closed. I've tried to reach out to a few of them but nothing really comes of it. :(

10)Distance. This encompasses so many things. The Hub of this fashion is across the world. When you order from over seas is takes so long. But the biggest thing I hate is that all the awesome Lolitas I've met online live so far away, I wish I could have a giant tea party with them all.

Day 3 has no pretty pics, sorry

30 Day Lolita Challenge- Day 2

On a roll right now. On to day 2!

Day 2 – 10 things you love about Lolita.

1) Gothic prints. I do like sweet and classic prints but I love gothic prints!

2)Hair accessories. If it's a simple bow, to a mound of clips on top of your head. I love completing your outfit with a head piece.

3)JSK. I think I own more JSK then any other Lolita piece. You can wear it in both summer and winter, and change the look with the right blouse or cardigan.

4) Detachable sleeves. SO SMART! You spend all that money on a blouse you can only wear one part of the year? no, just take off the sleeves!

5) Mirror shots. I don't know what it is but taking outfit shots in the mirror is just a lot of fun! I never did this till I started wearing Lolita.

6)"Because I like it" people seem to except this reason more when I wear Lolita then when I use to wear more gothic, tomboy clothes. I enjoy that they can just smile and except I love beauty and cuteness.

7) Lolita blogs. I have gotten to know so many lovely girls threw their blogs. They also give me great inspiration. 

8) Lolita closets. Ok this may seem silly but I love that Lolita's take pictures of their closets, all the mixes of colors and prints, it makes me feel dreamy. I can't tell you how many times I open my wardrobe, lay on my bed, and admire my lovelies. That's what they are there for.

9)The embodiment of youth.I think this is what attracted me to Lolita in the first place. I have a HUGE Peter Pan Syndrome and I don't like the thought of being a grown up. Lolita helps me feel young.

10) Because it has made me and a community of girls feel beautiful with out having to wear "slutty" clothes. We wear Lolita to feel pretty, both inside and out!

Photos from Tumblr or me

30 Day Lolita Challenge- Day 1

So here it is the 30 day challenge and we all know this will the a challenge for me to keep up with it!

Day 1-10 things about your Lolita bubble.

Ummm Lolita Bubble? That is a silly way to put it.

1) I only get to wear Lolita the most of twice a week. Due to work I can really only wear it on my days off and even then sometimes I don't get to wear it. Maybe someday soon I can begin to wear it more often!!!

2) I wear Lolita for me and no one else. I don't care if someone thinks "I'm not doing it right" or if someone thinks "It's to childish" Lolita make me happy that is the only reason I wear it. I don't even care if my fiance thinks I look good or sexy, I want to be cute to make me feel better.

3) I don't think I have a favorite brand yet but I think that Alice and the Pirates maybe to closest to that. I love almost everything they make. I think it's because it a great mix of gothic colors and themes but with a sweet feeling to them. I also own two outfits by them.

4) I am a gothic, sweet, and classic Lolita all at once. My closet is filled with a little bit of each and I try to mix them all together.

5) I don't consider myself a lifestyle Lolita. Yes I enjoy the fashion, tea parties, sewing , and such, but those things came before Lolita. Maybe Lolita just fits my lifestyle?

6) I only really know one Lolita, my best friend Amy. We love to dress up and go out together. All the other Lolita's I've meet once or twice and we don't keep in great touch.

7) On the other side there is so many Lolita's I've meet online I wish I could hangout with all the time

8) I buy almost all my outfits from Tokyo Rebel. They have great customer service and I enjoy supporting small businesses.

9) I get most of my inspiration from tumblr!

10) I think I will still be a Lolita when I am 30 and I hope so!

All photos found on tumblr

Update, Where have I been?

Dear Readers,
    Yet again I have become a horrible blogger. With a large amount of writers block and work and life stressing me out I just haven't come up with something good to blog about. My internet time has been mostly used for me to relax and decompress. Anyways here is a small update on my life.
At the moment I am staying at my parents because my apartment has no power from the big hurricane that came threw New England. We don't know when it will be back on so I've taken my laundry, computer, and cross stitch and ran. My poor kitty Bella is stuck there but I think bring her here would stress her our more then anything.
At work I am currently the temporary manager. My wonderful manager is off help another store and then at conference. I am running the show and it's very stressful balancing it all with someone else to hold my back like she does. Also I've been working more hours and that is just killing me mental state, I'm starting to hate being there and I don't like that feeling.
The biggest thing I've been dealing with is the possibility my life may change drastically. James may be getting a job in NY at Fort Drum. It's about five hours away from all my awesome friend and wonderful family, but I will be with him everyday again. Also I wont have to work full time because we will live in military housing and he gets paid better. OMG the time I would have for crafting, just thinking about it make me excited. The only thing is that the paper work to make this happen is taking forever and until it's done there is no definite. So it's almost like my life is frozen and I can't move it forward.
I do have some exciting news too. After five years of working on it I have finally finished James's seascape cross stitch!!! I am so happy with it. Now I just need to get it all framed pretty so we can officially hang it on the wall.

Now I'm gonna try to start posting more. Look forward to more music spotlights, outfit post, I'm gonna start the 30 day Lolita challenge soon, I'm thinking of creating my own 30 day challenge dealing with being a Moonchild. I hope you are all well. I.L.U

Outfit Post - 6/24/11

Hello All,
 So time to be a little honest here. I haven't been posting because I've kinda been depressed. I wont go into self pity whining or such but I'll just say I've been down about life and where it's going. I am trying very hard to pull myself out of this rut but it can be difficult. I do have something to look forward too though, CT CON. I love cons so much so I'm hoping that going will put a little spark of creativity back in my life.
I did want to share an outfit from last weekend:

I kinda wanted to mix my old tomboy gothic style with my newer feminine lolita style. I wore my fanplusfriend bloomer/pants, F21 long kint tank, and added a bunch of accessories. I found a pair of fingerless gloves(just so you know I use to wear these everyday in high school, this was long before they sold them) put on a Sora Kingdom Hearts necklace, took my Disney :Think Happy Thoughts ribbon and wore it as a choker with a cupcake pin.
It was a great summer day and I drove to my parents to have Japanese food. Windows down with Kerli blaring helped clear my head a little.
I hope you are all doing well and keep smiling. I know things will get better for all of us