Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Letter of loss

Dear Readers,
      I know that I always seem to be making excuses as to why I haven't been posting but this time I really needed time away. In the last week of October I went to Disney World for vacation with my best friend, Amy and her husband. We had a great time! Sadly on the drive back I got a call from my mother telling me that James, my fiance and partner for the past eight years, moved out all of his stuff from our apartment. I was and still am devastated.  I will be honest I had no clue that he was no longer happy in our relationship. The past year he has been living with me at our apartment and up in Fort Drum because of the surgery he had to receive after being in Iraq. The week after my vacation was when he was suppose to be home for good. All he left me was a note saying that he was no longer happy and could no longer be by my side.
    I don't know what to do anymore. I have lived with him for the past 5 years, we have always talked about our future together and now all that is gone in an instant. He left without even saying goodbye to my face. I have taken the steps to recover, if I can, from this but it will be a long time for the hurt to leave. I was so deeply in love with him, and I still love the person he was. I wish to be angry with him but I can't. You can't hate some you still love.
     Now I am moving back in with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own. I will have to get a storage unit for most of my stuff. My poor kitty went threw the stress of moving but she is coming out ok. All I have to say is I am so thankful for my family and friends. They truly are the ones keeping me going. If it wasn't for my mother I think I would be dead or close to it. I've come to understand I have no choice but to move on from this or the pain will kill me. All I know is I never thought this would be part of the story of my life.
   So starting soon, I hope, I will be back to posting. I still have the Lolita Challenge to finish and other things I hope to post. I love you all and Integrity, Love, and Unity.


  1. I'm sorry you're going through so much and I completely understand how you feel. I went through a rather rough breakup that upheaved my whole life and I had to move thousands of miles back home. So I hear ya.

    Just hang in there and let time heal the wounds.

  2. Thanks so much dear! Time seems to be the hardest part